Empathy in the Workplace
You thought you exhibited empathy and then you get the feedback that you are lacking. What to do?
Increase self-awareness.
Unless you have a mirror you can stare into while you go about your day, chances are you are not fully aware of how you come across to others. Reflect on situations you encountered throughout the day. Could you have responded differently, more objectively, with more emotion?
During moments when you really lose your cool, write in a journal. Describe the situation, what happened, how you felt, how you responded, how the other person/people responded. After a good night’s sleep, read it over. What would you have done differently?
Ask people who interact with you and who you trust to tell you about “you”. Be open to hearing their perspective. You don’t have to agree. The point is to know.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
Let’s face it, the world revolves around you, literally. You see things through your eyes and experience the world as you see it. No one else can truly understand. This is why I challenge you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Imagine the world in their eyes. What does it look like? What challenges are they facing? What makes them interesting? Now can you understand them?
Sometimes, we just don’t understand why someone thinks the way they do and you feel your way is the right way. No one wants to be wrong and certainly most don’t like being told they are wrong. Take the time to consider their point of view before immediately shutting things down. Easier said than done. Quiet down the inner noise, that desire to jump in and correct. Wait patiently and discover how they think.
Communicating with empathy.
Usually our intentions are only clear to ourselves. The way we communicate can make our intention clear or just make someone shut down. Imagine a scenario where you need to tell someone to stop interrupting and let someone share their thoughts before jumping in. How differently would you say it if it were your parent, sibling, best friend, coworker or manager?
Giving someone feedback should both attend to emotional safety and be clear about your intention. There is no one right way to communicate with empathy because every situation is different. What you should do is recognize their communication style and use empathy within that style. You should also engage, use actively listening in meetings, be curious and ask questions in a non-interrogatory way and offer feedback.
